LiFe PeTALS

I'LL BE BACK SOON K.....I PROMISE :)....BZ WITH EXAMS N LIFE :p

2005-11-09T00:14:00.000+11:00

Q true...ripped it off somewhere ^^

2005-05-24T21:46:00.000+10:00

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to,that's not a choice.That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot ofcouples who gettogether because of this) is not a choice. That'salso a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards.

Whenwill you take thatinfatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attractionto the nextlevel?

That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

Ifyou decide to love a person, even with his / herfaults, that's not a chance.That's choice...When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice.Even if you know there are many people out therewho are moreattractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice...

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance.But true love that lasts is truly a choice..A choice that we make.

Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: " Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."I can't say that i believe that soul mates do exist,BUT....There is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mates is still a choice wehave to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love... BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly...

The Truth about Men

2005-03-29T00:23:00.000+10:00

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
11.The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

2005-03-28T16:22:00.000+10:00

LIDIA
L	is for	Loving
I	is for	Inspirational
D	is for	Delicate
I	is for	Insane
A	is for	Adaptable

What Does Your Name Mean?

Mad Season

2005-03-27T01:44:00.000+11:00

I feel stupid but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing I coulda been guessin wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down

I feel stuipd but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

I feel stupid but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly but I know I still turn you on
You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down

So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out
We need to be together now I need you now

Now I'm cryin' isn't that what you want
I'm trying to live my life on my own
But I won't
At times I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I
Feel stupid
And I come undone... In this mad season

Matchbox 20

:)

2005-03-06T21:40:00.000+11:00

I understand I must love myself before I can love others.

I understand I must be open so I can open others unto themselves.

I understand I must be honest if I expect that of my friends.

I understand I must speak truth if I am to hear the truth spoken.

I understand that I must reach out ot people if I am to be touched.

I understand I must share If I am to be given.

I understand my knowledge must be used if I am to grow.

I understand you must have freedom if I am to be free.

(Walter Rinder)

2005

2005-03-04T01:02:00.000+11:00

Life during summer school:
Almost monotonous…..classes and more classes and assignments to chase. It was hectic but stress levels were kept to a minimum…maybe cos most vibes were set to those of the ‘holiday mood’.
* Again, did not meet any fish worthy to be caught.

Life after summer school:
Almost through with the 1st week of uni…and I’ve successfully changed 2 subjects. It feels like any other semester cept that it had a good zesty start to it.
My first-times till date from 2005:
- did summer school…hardcore 2* 3rd subjects
- hosted an orientation group. However I wish for it to not happen, I’ll be crowned the lousiest host of the year…won’t be doing it again I think, however tempting the $100 book voucher might be.
- Going to the gym regularly
- Tried yoga
- Went to Sorrento
- Biked amidst roaring traffic in unfamiliar settings :)
- Unfruitful snorkeling
- Bumpy horse-riding
They’ve all been good. Esp the Sorrento trip. Learnt to conquered many many of my fears…learned that there are many things out there that’s worth trying and too many secrets that’s better off kept in the dark…hee hee…I know wat u did last summer mimi n momo…..:p

3rd year of uni is looking somewhat more ‘spicy’ than before…mabbe summer sem was just too bland. Its exciting to see uni come to life again, buzzing with what was once us…naïve and excitable…can’t help but feel like an old-soul without any zest for uni…haiz, all that money spent on our education…

It will be a good year….many many people doing the same subjects :)

i am twisties...how r u?

2005-02-01T23:25:00.000+11:00

3rd Dec…my last blog entry. My only excuse = my laziness.

Summer school’s killing me….soon….

Officially an adult…classified worldwide ( I’m still in denial though!)

Am still glad and thankful for those that I call my friends.

Learnt a new term from Time mag today:
TWIXTERS: no they are not a new kind of choc…rather a new ‘breed’ of homosapiens in their ‘young’ adulthood who still live at home, hop from job to job and swap partners every so often.

I dunno much but I know that I dun wanna be a Twixter, cept for the lofting with ma parents.
Last thing for now….my new name is TWISTIES….unrelated to a Twixter

Hanging by a string...

2004-12-03T01:25:00.001+11:00

To go back to the hell hole or to wait for some savior to come rescue me…That is the question…

Torments of having to wait…I wish I didn’t have the choice sometimes…it’s the ultimate when they hang you by the string…giving you a MAYBE…why can't they be quick with the rejection letters or smth...Arrgh...

Somebody just gimme a JOB please…

2nd DECEMBER...

2004-12-03T01:25:00.000+11:00

Haven’t been blogging…apologise for bummin around….yes, the exciting holidays…
Have been undergoing excess of retail therapy…might need to switch to financial counseling soon :}

Days have been passing and its already Decemeber…yep, still ‘jobless’… n seemed to have lost track of time too…I’ve remembered vividly that my agent had arranged for a bi-annual house inspection on the 2nd of Dec…even stuck a reminder on my wall…this day came, without my realization of course as the house was still in a mess…and the agent, Brad, too left feeling a mess with an added bonus of loads of *sighs*…

Had woken up early this day…even managed to bum around the kitchen…admiring the piled up dishes and the used pots and pans from yesterday’s dinner, how they looked like a piece of art…managed to squeeze in an hour of TV…watching nothing at all…and waiting for Adi to clear the pile of shit…literally…when he wakes… n it just had to be so fateful that the agent rang the bell as I was about to wash up…*sign*…

ME: “HI!”
Agt: “ Hi, I’m Brad from Thomson”.
ME: “ Oh hello…er…can I help you?”
Agt: “ I’ve come to inspect the house. Anything needs fixture so far?”
ME: “Oh is it the 2nd already today?”
( Bax n Tiara came rushing out n barking histerically, had to lock them in Adi’s room. Agent looked disgusted even b4 the nightmare started)

I would have told him that the whole house needs to be fixed if I wasn’t still shocked at his arrival…
He walked around like there were mine bombs about to explode at anytime. Peeked into my room…walked over to the living room….saw the pile of shit n said “ This is unacceptable”…ME: “ Err…I know…its just that I … I was away and thought that the dogs would need somewhere to relieve themselves…err…sorry…” He so didn’t buy that and was ever more disgusted by the state of the whole house…even more so when he entered the kitchen and saw the mess there were….the bathroom as usual was no biggie…and finally the straw would be the courtyard I think….was working on the garden bed and it was a mess, to top it all up with 3 bags of rubbish ( weeds)… he darted for the door and did not say anything…it must have been record time…less than 5 mins…I think he forgot that I even told him that there was a small leak on the bathroom’s ‘sunroof’…dun even know wat the 'inspection' was for when all he did was play pick-a-boo with all the rooms...

As I close the door behind him…did not know if I felt more embarrassed or humiliated…or even angry at this man…who seemed to project himself as all ‘HC’ and mighty with his Armani suit and all…wat the hell man….if he sends me a letter of warning for unkempt premise…i would so complain for everyone so knows that the house wasn’t handed to me in a palace-like condition either….how dare he….stupid blardeee bastardo…ya…I know now…I was pissed at him…that rude-ass…

Thus me and Adi went for yet another retail therapy…
It had come to my realization that it just dun work anymore….spending money to acquire material stuff…its dying off in me…theres just no kick anymore…I need a new form of release….

Anyway…went for the Trinity fast-track drama…was quite good…felt old though…*sigh* how time flies…it was about 3 yrs ago when I was part of these acts… Trinity rocks….

Another hot news…ok actually the only hot news…Vchan shouted me coffee…ok no biggie you might say but in out say 2 yrs of friendship…it was the first time that he did that, voluntarily at least….woohooo…was damn touched…keep it up dude and I’ll go for coffee with you ever more often XD

Looking forward to another day…starting sketching soon :)

joys of holidays...when u're staying back= not funny

2004-11-25T20:20:00.000+11:00

Getting pretty comfy with the holiday mode now…being too free to be precise….

Been:
-shopping too much
-gathering a whole load of ass at home
-cleaning da house
-washed the dogs
-applied for a new job
-rejected my soon to be ‘ex-boss’ *hah*
-swimming with Rathi…n got burnt too…*roast meat anyone???*
-bumming around
-still bumming
-n more bumming

Should be doin :
-working for a lil extra bucks
-thinking of ways to get rid of those yucky tan lines
-plotting a conspiracy….anything will do
-preparing myself for *when ppl start filing out mode*
-make loneliness my forte
-be doing something……….

Bored bored bored bored…………….still bored bored n bored…

Songs of the mo...

2004-11-21T01:58:00.000+11:00

Alicia Keys-If i ain't got u

Counting Crows- If i could give all my love

DMB-Crush

DMB-Crash into me

DMB-The Space between

DMB-What would you say

Dewa- Sayap sayap patah

Dewa-Risalah Hati

Dewa- Separuh Nafas

All very very yummmmz...

Naff-Haruskah

Tidakah enkau sadari
Betapa jauhnya lagkah kita
Dan haripun t’rus berganti
Tua usia, matangkan lah saat jadi cinta

T’lah terukit semua janji
Dan terbingkai semua mimpi mimpi
Yakinkan yang t’lah terbinai
Lewati duka, lewati tawa
Yang kejamnya dunia

Haruskah kau pergi
Tinggal ku sendiri
Haruskah kau lari
Yang bukan angan dan mimpi

Spasticated

2004-10-29T17:49:00.000+10:00

Took a walk with Tiara around Drummond street. There were so many colours and vibrance accompanying every step that we took. The roses were blooming in all shapes, sizes and colours. To think I was so proud of my rose plants when they bloomed, the comparison is far too pathetic…
It felt so good, to have to sun in my face and the occasional gentle breeze and of course with Tiara, the perfect companion.

Was just thinking if only it could last forever…
Am I essentially a loner? Or do I just crave the free flow of ‘obligation-free’ love they have so willingly provided, sucking upon it like the air that gives life? Drinking red-bull, as promised by them, gives you wingsssss aka hallucinations and it killed some of my brain cells…I swear…

Taking a break from the library today…I feel robbed of my sanity with every minute in there. Feels more like a cell than anything- overflowing with ‘tension’ and stress vibes….cannot tahan…migraine seemed to have crept back….damn the exams!

knotted brain

2004-10-23T16:16:00.000+10:00

Here I am, stuck at the lab report. Before I started on it, all the ideas in my head were over-whelming but all came to a halt as soon as I tried generating ideas for the title. Yep, we have to self-title them and interpret them in whatever ways we want. This sub is ambiguous, the report for the other psy sub was so much easier. We were given all the hypothesis and all we had to do was pick s few to crap about. Ahhhh…save me from confusion in the air…

Still undecided whether to library or to camp at home as of next week…

ATM, I feel like an empty peanut (dun ask me why, not that I know how it feels like being a peanut).

On the table: a bottle of H2O, an empty bowl with food scraps in it, a rubber ball, eddy’s melting lollipops (eww), scattered paper with some prints on them(aka research material), trusty purple pen, a dirty tissue, more paper…see wat I mean with the peanut thing, I’m ranting on and on about nonsense…

Tiara threw me a ‘disgusted’ look, made me realize that I was singing…very loudly and out of tune too, muahaha

Absurdity:
Old fren finds new fren.
Old fren plays with new fren.
Other old fren finds new fren.
Other old fren play with new fren.

Tiara is the sweetie.
Baxter is the bad boy.
Conclusion: I love both.

Revelation:
The reason why women tend to outlive men = they do therapeautic household chores.
Think aboout it guys and start moving that ass...

Flare-some RTHYMICITY thang

2004-10-21T23:49:00.000+10:00

I did it…I dumped the detox, after like 2 days. It was good nonetheless BUT I just couldn’t think. Insufficient sugar for efficient brain function. Maybe….just maybe, after the exams…hmmmnnn….

Went for a dance performance “FLARE”, was alright…more like hilarious. I think they must’ve practiced damn bloody hard…Derek (not the usual one) seemed to have lost weight too…he must have been dancing too hard. The funniest part about this whole event was Mr. V’s failure to show up. He was the ‘organiser’ with only me in his tour group though cos no one else was interested. With a twist of fate, Lib showed up in union while I was paying for my lonesome dinner at 6.45ish. Managed to use my charm to swoon a free tix n TADAAAA a companion for the performance (tx babe for the company)

Did a voiceover for Andrew’s project…involved a lot of ‘sound’ effects…bet the neighbours were thinking we were up to no good…luckily the police didn’t show up, considering the nearest station is only 5 mins away. But it was fun :) for all who are in the ‘flick’, dun worry, you all look alright. Quite a cool preview.

Still pathetically stuck at the same reading for the lab report…..good luck to moi.
It feels too summery to be stuck in the lib or uni for any matter cept for the self-inflicted pain in the arse we paid to get into...

I think I got rejected by Myer( for those who were uninformed...yep i went for a bone-chilling interview with Myer) , though they were really gently in breaking the news (appreciate that) :

Dear Lidia
Thank you for your recent application for the Christmas Recruitment Drive 2004 and for your participation in our selection process.
From your recent group interview and online assessment we were able to establish that you have a combination of skills and experience that makes you a suitable candidate for a casual position over the Christmas period of 2004 / 2005.
From this point forwards we are working towards matching candidates to individual stores. In most cases the following stage of process will be an interview directly with the relevant Store Manager.
Due to the volume of applications received for this program, this process may take a number of weeks however in some circumstances, where candidate preferences far outweigh the number of vacancies for a particular store, some candidates may not be selected for this next stage.
We appreciate your application and the time that you have taken to participate in our selection process and thank you for considering Coles Myer Limited as a prospective employer.

Could someone tell me what exactly they mean....just like Crown ( yes another 'prospective' employer), they toyed with my feelings :(

Haiz……….life must go on…$800 lab report to go…

Ah… lala land or drowning my sorrows in a pint of ice-cream…that is the qn…
Lala land it shall be since ice-cream is non-existent at this v moment…

Strategies?

2004-10-17T17:42:00.000+10:00

Been reading up for my ‘due-super-soon’ marketing management assgmt 2. The no of strategies are impossible…with probably only one or two points of differentiation. All these strategy developers sure are rip-offs and very strategic indeed…1st they encapture and modify other strategies to name as their own…then uni melb hired some professor to teach us all abt them, setting us back some 2000 bucks. Was calculating the raw cost of this assgmt, with a weightage of 20%, it costs about $400…considering that I’ve lost some $200 on the 1st assgmt, I better, quote Dicko “get my thumb out of my ass” and start the essay…
After this assgmt, I will be a $800 lab report away from the exams…note, price calculated using the same ingenious way as for the S.M assgmt…somehow, all these prices are such motivators...to get a refund and use the $$ for something else ;p
Thanks to my bestest luck, I’m granted a ‘generous’ 2 weeks to cram in the contents of 2.5 subjects…and a bonus of 3 days to shuff the remainder 0.5 in…

Unrelated:
-3 bags of potting mix delivered by courtesy of Adi, with the aid of the ‘supe-fashionable-n-hip’ AMA-style marketing trolley
-transferred the constipated lavender into a bigger pot
-squished 2 big fat fleas…contribution of Baxter and Tiara ( thinking of getting a refund for the flea collars they’re wearing…)
-decided on a detox as of tues…thus, on mon, will go on a major toxifying spree haha
-if this does not load…no way am I gonna type it out again….

Okies…enough inspiration to get my thumb out of my ass and start cracking on the bloody assgmt…wait…I think I will go wash me thumb 1st…

Cycle of a circle

2004-10-13T15:35:00.000+10:00

Woke up this morning...feeling nothing. Got up and dwelved into the usual routine so well ingrained from since i could say spell my name. Still felt nothing, still numb from sleep i guess, and since i have no classes today, i allowed myself the luxury of cutting up the fruits nicely for my fruit salad n managed to steal a bite of Adi's mee goreng.Nice one :P
Its nice to be able to exchange a few quick words with someone every morning, esp when they don't use up any brain capacity....

Tried reading up for my startegic marketing assgmt, BUT just as i was getting comfortable with all the Internal Analysis stuff...can't help but did a quickie 'soul-searching', just to find that there was none. I couldn't find any. I was essentially like an empty egg. *imagine: cracking up an egg to find that its empty...what a turnoff???
Australia's taught me more independence than i needed...no longer find the need to find solace in Him or my parents...well, unless something financial coops out....this is bad...so so bad...

I've become a cold-heartless-unthankful-ungrateful-bla-bla-bla B@@@@!!! i think!

Feels like my heart's grown frozen n the blood in me cold...i've adapted too well to this uncompromising environment and even built up a guard against Him...i've grown to find myself here and without conscious knowledge, i've been holding a citizenship pass ever since i locked my 'door'. Though i know He's always outside, waiting to come in.
I couldn't let Him...i've fallen in love with this independence.
I wouldn't let Him trod around in my territory and clear the rubbish that i so cherish...
My heart's gone cold and gradually developed 'immunity' against Him...no longer can i hear His soft and gentle callings that i was once so sensitive to....His words are but alphabets pieced together, no longer significant in any way, all this because i let them be....
FOOL= ME ?
I totally know the roots of all my troubles...YET i choose to ignore them...to run around a circle, going around and around...Maybe i'm finding joy in running around mindlessly? Mybe i'm just trying to adapt...

*Reality check: Eddy's going back on the 11th of the 11th month...thats less than 1 month to go. The rate at which we manage to squeeze in a squabble even within 5 seconds doen't help either....i hate to admit it but i do love this very big bro of mine....gonna miss screaming at him when he's gone....
Saw him briefly yest....Quote Eddy:" i'm goin back on the 11th next month. You'll not see me then".
I can't quite pin-point the whole sentense but my heart just sank. I feel the uncertainty in his voice, the pressure to get out of his safety-zone, yet the thrill of embarking on something new. I feel for him. Felt his fear of having to take a step into LIFE, for it will soon be my turn. Used to think that i would have loved to see him gone...now, I can't quite imagine life without him. After all, we've been stuck for 20 yrs...its like losing an evil-twin, bitter-less sweet.

Doubting...not...

2004-10-10T01:38:00.000+10:00

Been having loads to ponder upon recently.

Doubting everything from self-worth to whether my dogs love me.

Silly i know. Just can't help but feel this sense of worthlessness over my shadows.

It must be the stress...building up..maybe coagulated long b4 i even realised.

3 assignments to go b4 hitting the exams.

Fear of failing crossed my minds for the countless times...why must it be such a repititive cycle every single sem. Worked out that i can't afford to fail or i might not finish my course in time.

*PRESSURE is definitely building up*

Yet i feel priveledged...for having the chance to doubt, n the time n knowledge to do so. Weird?
At least i'm not stuck in some sort of cycle or rut whereby a gasp of air is a daily struggle. N i'm thankful for having people (with an S, make it many2) to confide, be around with++++++
Been insomnic for a few days now. Quote Derek" What happened to u? So many PIMPLES ( the forbidden word)?" Answer: "Sleepless nights + too much caffeine :P "

Have not been planning ahead...in fact i've not planned at all..come to think of it, i've never ever planned the layout of life after uni, yet like an ignorant victim, i always don't ever realise all those stolen hours, mins and seconds....

another weird addition: Still can't grasp the concept of why we often yearn for something that we know DON'T WUN, WILL NOT ever belong to us...is it bad to hold on so dearly to something we call HOPE?

New background...like it? will improve further XD

2004-10-07T05:10:00.000+10:00

random thoughts

2004-09-11T01:04:00.000+10:00

lunch with Shan n Lib at ES TELER 77 brought more than food to my stomach...it reminded me of home...of how i never used to eat the bestest 'mie ayam' you can find in the universe back there...BUT surprisingly i ordered it...wasn't fantastic but nonetheless, a good try-hard replica of home...
'mie ayam' what i used to have everyday of my life (well almost) when i was in nursery. dad would pick us (eddy n me) from school n we'll head straight for the usual...mie ayam n es teh manis for me....i wanna be a kid again, where i can unashamly run to mum n dad and demand a kiss or cuddle...where i'm the overprotected little princess with no cares in the world....haiz...growing up can be painful...wish i din't wished to grow up fast then...it was all a sham, the freedom associated with adulthood...

nevertheless...today was fantastic...the 1st shopping spree since i could remember...headed down to bridge road with Lib and bought oh-too-many-things ...was fantastic, not so for the bank balance though....
had only gotten 3 hours of restless sleep last nite...thanks to the sugarless redbull that kicked in only when i've completed my revision at 3.30am...thats a good 11 hours later....they had better revise their concoction i say or they will be BANNED...by me anyway...
But i feel euphoric....bitting on my haven't been shorter nails... why cant they just grow....n i had better stop using them as chew toys...

Current hit list: SHE WILL BE LOVED-MAROON 5

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved She will be loved

I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls

How sweet is the lyric? Aww...i'll just melt if someone sang that to me...n meant it too..
I'm waiting....still waiting....nah forget it...i'll sing it to my self...(in self-denial)
Quote Adi " you'll not be here, you'll be out ** a **** if you bla bla bla"...just makes me feel "BETTER"

Big fish = NOT funny

2004-09-06T01:03:00.000+10:00

tried printing some non-existent notes....but it can't be, i saw it a couple days ago...or am i just hallucinating?
Sluggishism has somehow found its place in me again...been so slack lately that my body's not used to not being physically tortured by demands of my ex-job....mod sem test on fri...what have i done for the weekend? 3 lecture notes...should say that its not untypical of me...n went for the semi-finals for Derek and Trudy's singing competiton...for all you know, they might end up as 2 mega supa stars...hee hee better start collecting blackmailable items....watch out u 2....n congrats...THEY GOT IT...out of 130 or so...they were they chosen ones, amongst other 10 contestants...
hopefully, it will lead them where their hearts long to be :)
for me, i long to go to sleep...haha, but not w/o finishing up with my experience with a 2kilograms, yes 2000 grams, of a huge ass salmon...
bought one of these big fish from vic mart on sat...dunno whats got into me...it looked pretty average laying amongst stacks of them but no...it was huge....neither did i realise that it wasn't gutted...
felt like a surgeon....i shall spare the datails, cept that it stank my hands...i had to wash over and over b4 the strong fishy smell degraded to a slight one...still bad though...*phew* managed to get rid of evidence of my *playing doctor* b4 anyone managed to kiss my hands...muahaha...had a great fish feast that nite...not w/o sacrifices though...nontheless very thankful :)

Spring fever? nah...

2004-09-03T00:41:00.000+10:00

i've QUIT...it sure feels great to have so much free time at my disposal BUT i'm kinda feeling aimless now...no extra cash at hand too.
Bought a statione(a)ry bike-pardon the poor spelling...trying desperately get into a routine with it n start pedalling the adrenalin into moi (ashamed to say that since wednesday, i've merely pedalled for 2 mins*oops*)
Tried walking the 2 moguls...failed teribbly, as soon as we stepped out of the house, Bax was out of control, barking at every single thing that moves...made the mistake of taking them across the road. as soon as we hit the other side, we were attracting attention comparable to those of red-carpet scenes...was a very delibating position to be in, with Bax's leash on one hand and tiny Tiara on the other, doesnt help that Bax was barking his lungs out and Tiara was squirming like a little or should i say a big worm...again, all eyes on us n basking in the glory of my inability to control 2 seemingly harmless, small,cutey, near-obese puppy dogs.
Managed to trick loud bax into the house and skipped out with Tiara...enjoyed a moment of bliss with my precious darling...Tiara is everything a dog should be n Bax=NOT, but i still love him regardless.
Can't remember the last time i took a stroll...the clam sweeping me off my feet, its amazing...we kinda played somekind of exploring game...searching out new places...re-living my childhood, whereby my cousins n i would sneak out of the house to 'explore' the garden...ya loads of make-beliefs...but it was so much fun...guess it was due to our naivity n childish contentment).
We took some time to smell the flowering Jasmins along the way...always wanted a whole vine filled with blooming Jasmin that perfumed the air...till bastardo Dronelle ate it up...f.y.i Dronelle is a dog...explainable, n the deed was done when i was on holiday, probably been processed and re-establishished itself in another form now...
Rejoicing the coming of spring...love the flowers, not their pollens though, i might have developed some kind of allergy, according to the doctor a yr ago...hopefully i dun develop hayfever...
Currently on 2 weeks prescription of anti-biotics for my recurring migrain...feeling better already...psychological i think...i've only started on 1 of those drug...
really wanna 'upgrade' this blog BUT HTML makes me dizzy...might cheat with a HTML editor...haha
7th week of uni next week....unbelievable...reality can just be so harsh sometimes...wish i was in indo right now, enjoying princess treatments....well, back to reality...looking forward to Business Finance mid-sem i approx 7 days....i lied...

woe is me

2004-08-21T21:54:00.000+10:00

as soon as i step in...the positive energy in me is like a dripping tap...wasting away.
i cant stress enough how much i hate my workplace where i feel marginalised by my manager...i think i stepped on her devil's tail...pushed her to her limits too much BUT i dunno when all these deeds were transacted...HATE n FEAR are words to describe my feelings for her. she's got a website too...which 'proclaims the "poet" in her' of which i will let those who are interested know in private, just in case she runs a search on google and comes after me...seriously i think she is so so 'dark' ewww my hairs satnd at the mere mention of her....i've submitted 2 resumes today...hopefully someone get me out of this hell hole asap

i miss my family...talking to mum that day brought me to tears which i tried to fight back, but my eyes wouldnt let me...i miss waking up knowing that i'm at home....i wanna go home...sometimes i think...what did i do to deserve them who are willing to do everything and anything for me...cant find the right words to articulate my feelings

been a fragile few weeks since uni started...seems like i've been sucked out of lala land into reality....UGLY reality...been out of touch with everything...i wish Baxter or Tiara could converse in human languge sometimes...just so that they can say "mummy you'll be alright"...i know i will be fine, i just need some reminder sometimes...

i'm tired and lost for words.

2004-08-05T11:19:00.000+10:00

dammit......my blog din publish...so will have to re-type....*stupid stupid* why din i save it 1st....arrgh....*&%$#@
what i've been doin so far:
1) juggling uni with work...too physically demanding for an *unfit me
2)playing maid at home....
3) devoting a few hours to cooking dinner n eating it of course with Adi :)
3) trying to plan a housewarming that just aint gonna happen soon :( sorry peeps

n lastly...i wanna apologise for not being as available as b4...but i'll try to work out something k...soon :)

2004-08-05T11:10:00.000+10:00

hi all....i know i know....iuts been long long time....
*excuse* trying to juggle uni n ma very2 physically demanding job...n its basic knowledge that i am not FIT...thus...all the juggling n exhaustion....n trying to cope....
enuf.....ok a brief summary of what me's been doin....
1) very packed uni timetable...n hte kiasuism in me hath been brought out by the signing up of workshops...writing, psych careers...you name it....
2) 4 days of work a week...yep, so when i'm not in uni, i'm at work....trying to become financially abled so that i can survive on my own....when the need arises...aka 3 yrs fr now...long time when you think abt it but it tends to just flash by....:(
3) become a maid not onli at work but also at home.....whats new rite....but its good now that me n Adi are having dinner at least 4 times a week...*key word: together*....
4) trying to plan a house warming that just aint gonna happen just yet....be patient ppl...it will happen :)
5) still struggling with uni....arrgh......i need a 100hours a day....24's too limiting....
n lastly....apologies for not being as available as before....but i'll work out something with u guys....seeing ya'll at least once a week is good enough *wink wink*
muax muax n more muaxes

UPDATE**

2004-07-22T16:05:00.000+10:00

hi all...a brief update of what i've been up to:
-working in housekeeping department a.k.a chambermaid....*unglam*
-trying to fix up my garden
-preparing housewarming
-coming to terms with the hols ending :(
-preety much just these...
wooohooo...how boring can life get.....

2004-06-26T17:55:00.000+10:00

Jason said that it takes 3 weeks to get into a routine or habit or watever...mmm...the exams spanned for more than that....n erm..sad as it may seem, it feels so so weird to be free, well, kinda...
cleaned up most of the house...nobody wants to do it so i might as well...in case the pig-stye of a house we're in now becomes worst...was vacuuming, mopping, washing, moving, sorting...was so busy physically but i felt so alone...adi's gone to Sydney n should have been back today but hes nowhere to be seen...n for the 1st time in 10 days, i have the room to meself again...cousin went back to Canberra last nite :( so sad...no one to talk to b4 ZZZzzZzzZ....miss her just a tiny-eenie-bit...so thankful for the 2 dogs for keeping me sane...man...this moment felt so familiar...it seemed to have been reliven from the pass episodes of my life...am i sinking into depression again??Its the holidays but theres just so much in my mind...i'm ready to explode...
the exams hath devoid me of much feelings...i' just numb numb numb...
mum called 2 days ago...find out if we're ok...its been 1 month i think...could be more, since i called back...she just had an operation on her arm :( it must have benn so painful...it dawned on me that they r no longer young, my parents...i just feel so helpless, so in denial.....
its been too long since i cried....i was so shocked when tears streamed down my expressionless face whilst reading an email fr sis...she was telling me about mum's "surgeried" arm...i can't imagine...i don't want to...somehow, its no longer easy to cry and get on with life...

2004-06-17T01:24:00.000+10:00

Anticiption....always gets u so so high...n when it happens...chey* so not what you thought it'll be like...AT ALL!!!
finally 3 papers down...making a comeback to the library...a very fruitless one though...did like 1/6th of a page of the 1st marketing lecture notes....
man...i thought i'll be on the clouds by the time this day comes but no...i'm still on my feet....why....don't even have any eyecandies unlike *ehemz...**
makes mw wonder if i'd get what i set out to do after the exams...
btw, its about 1am n i'm in bal lib now....so so boring...yet i'm not studying...just wont learn from mistakes....
Cousin's down from canberra..quite a bad time....cant quite bring her around but i'll get to that soon....
for the pass month or so...feels like all i'm looking forward to is for the end of the exams to come...n now that its near, feels like theres nothing to look foward to....maybe should start compiling a list of the frens that i haven called in a while....see if they r still alive mabbe....haha...lame i know...
man....what is life? a continuos search on how to live it?

2004-06-13T16:19:00.000+10:00

the exams hath drained me of all the time for myself n frens...
thats why, after the QM2 paper on friday, i went down to the city..shop shop...
hee hee got stuff :) n way too much ideas on how to spend the holidays :)
was so excited...BUT i had to shop alone...the ultimate 'spend-some-time-with-urself would be when i had to satisfy my grumbling stomach all alone at Hungry Jacks...felt so weird...was trying to juggle eating and talking on the phone but alas, it did not last long...everybody else seem so bz....
Felt like a 'sua-ku' a.k.a mountain turtle...felt like ages since i've been out in the ct n shopping too....man, all the excitement...noticing any changes to how the place used to be...:) ok exaggerating....
i thought i'd gone mad....all the sales...the temptations...n i walked n walked..popped into here n there...tried on every little this n that...my sleep deprived brain overworking again...trying to 'figure' out if it would be 'rational' buys...
Absorbing all the colours scents, people that was buzzing the city...man, i felt alive...esp when SASS N BIDE is reduced...haha "40-50%" BUT its all a sham...everything i fancy there's not on sale...man....that pair of dirty-greenish-gray jeans cost $210!!!! %$#@&*%*#@
Felt liberatted for a while...n was churning all the ideas on decorating my room n house...was so carried away...browsing all the beautiful curtains,cushions, fabrics....man...for a moment, i thought it was all real....EXAMS OVER...

From that day's memory...to do aft EXAMS:
1) curtains for house
2)revamp ugly purple armchair...just imagine!!!
3)knit sweaters for bax n tiara ( i'll try :)
4)knit a throwrug for armchair or room
5)major disinfecting of the house
6)throw unwanted junk
7)go for a manicure ( anyone wanna join me?)
8)get haircut (mabbe)
9) colour hair
10) shopping n more shopping....
tts all i can remember for now...tx to micro econs...eating up my brain...update later....all the best for exams ya!! :-)

Dedicaton!!

2004-06-06T18:58:00.000+10:00

Miss looking into those timid eyes of hers…round and paranoid!
Guess the missing part comes in only when shes not around.
Poor Tiara…been in the animal hospital for 2 days now…knowing her paranoia, she’ll be thinking that we ditched her, after all, shes been ditched before…maybe that explains the awkwardness in her actions, always looking out for love, yet not quite trusting enough.
But she trusted me…just to return in favour for more pain and uncertainty. Guess I never quite showed her how much she meant to me…miss her curling up under my doona and her stinky ears welcoming my wake…her little wet tongue on my cheeks and nose at the most awkward times…I miss Tiara so much…
Cant do anything now…damage’s been done and now shes going through pain…
How helpless it must have felt, to not be able to communicate through words…to see her in pain n yet not able to do anything!! To see the twink* n eagerness in her eyes die off…
Yesterday was the worst morning I had…2 hours of sleep and I had to bring the poor hapless baby back to the hell hole…she didn’t even winch when we entered the hospital…just looked on and waited for pain to come with her sad eyes…it’s the look she had when we 1st got her home from her ditcher…that was 1 year ago!! Shes been a part of our lives for so long now, yet it feels like I don’t know her!!
Shes a strong girl…a capable one…didn’t even surrender when she had to give birth to 2 adorable bubs…n took care of them well too…I had to sell them off….how evil can an unloving mum get?
She’ll be alright…I’m sure…she’s my dog…she’ll be fine…I’m so gonna pick her up from the hospital tomorrow…bring her home with me…all the walks…picnics and chilling out that shes been so deprived of…will be hers….

2004-06-05T04:24:00.000+10:00

Stress + stress does not equate to no stress!!
Days r getting shorter, colder and darker...waking up but for 1 thing- STUDY!!
To library or not to library?That is the question. i have successfully screwed my "routine", now, desperately trying to regain something that is of worth.
EXAMS r settling comfortably in...NOW...a little late i know...
Why do i have to ask why with every sem...repeat the same why and continue asking why why why?? so know the value of $2000 n what it may bring BUT why do i still ask why?
feels like my left brain, right brain, centre brain, corner brain, edge brain, watever brain have been over-working all but on accounting...Bloody dang!!!

The direction that i thought i have chosen to follow at the start of the sem, ultimately doesn't lead me to where i wanna go...i might have trailed off somewhere, sometime...its just so easy to trail off...i can't believe i'm 20 and saying this!!! i'm *estimate* 1/3 through with life and i'm still stuck.
LIFE? What is that? How to go abouts with it?
Weird i know but no one has yet provided me with a convincing ans...i wanna know...i need a guide on life...i need to know that every mistake can be undone, actions forgiven, happiness dwelled upon, questions answered, n i need a time machine...so so badly...undo the done and do the undone!!

Its always NOW...this time of the sem that every fart unravels itself into crap!! i need a fast-forward to the 22nd if a going back into time is impossible...after this, i'll be free free free for a while...shall camp out somewhere after that...take a time-out and quest for inner-peace...to much happened thats not yet been digested...need to get over myself before i can re-face the world...

the question remains...to library or to not?
Might attempt a relieving of our ancestors....the caveman!!Tx to mr B.P!!

2004-06-02T01:32:00.000+10:00

so far:
-living with the routine...could get used to that...
-waking up feeling +ve is extremely important!
-shitty news could ruin good days!!!
-F.B suxs big big time
-had 1st durian experience in Melb...was good man!
-can't live w/o mobiles :)
-accounting is only fun when you r counting ur own $$ :o@
-invention of the "PISS-OFF" pill is on the way...woohoo...
-speying Tiara in less than 24hours :(
-everything is getting too cold!!
-looking forward to the 22nd June :P

2004-05-30T17:22:00.000+10:00

background music: lovesong by Ameil followed by Andy Lau classic hits....
location: cold cold room
condition: alone (even the dogs are away)
state of mind: bored n vexed...but more bored than vexed

Been avoiding confrontations with myself by means of immersing myself into accounting.

Not even a speck of dust compared to the face of the earth...why do i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulder...haiz...must be the boredom bug...eating into me

A noted pattern...many around me feel loveless everytime exams r round the corner...maybe seeking someform of deviation?

Been talking about this issue...COMMITMENT...
Guys r afraid of it? Gals r afraid of it too i think...esp lack of it fr the guys ;p
And Vice versa...just in case i peeve the guys off :P
Princess was saying that its just so unfair that it always seem the case that gals have to fall for guys 1st...n then wait n wait n wait...for the guy to do something...man...bastardos
Mabbe bcos guys tend to just go it...the the gals that they are interested in n for those that they feel mildly about...they'll think n think n keep their options open....erm...i dunno....i think...why settle for one fish knowing that plenty r on their way...

why don't gals ever make the 1st move? ( at least for those of us that my brother conveniently label as still living in the stone-age)

my opinion:
-fear of being labelled "bitchy, slutty n the likes"...of which i find no corelation to going after your own happiness...
-fear of being under appreciated...by the guy who 'took' you in...
-we want to feel loved and appreciated and worthy
-as much as we know how mythical it is...we wanna believe in true love...with the prince charming, white horse and the happily ever after...
-we fear rejection....harder to swallow (despite us being less prideful :P)...it hits the self-esteem bank and drain it dry...n the news spread till the ends of the earth and continue to circulate till you become one with mother nature...
-fear n more fears....
-n as i've said...we live in the stone-age

Derek asked me a rather weird ( in my opinion) yet complex question:
DO I WANNA GET MARRIED SOMEDAY? ...aiight, go ahead...roll around and laugh...
Many would think...lidia sure one la....BUT i honestly dunno...the weightage of that piece of cert....i dunno how much it weighs for me...wat does it guarantee? i would love to have the kind of bliss shared by my parents but it belongs to them n i really dunno what the future holds, esp at the rate at which society is 'evolving'...dare not think...will have to take a step at a time...

N i still dunno why???

*dwelling in self-confinement*

MOTTO

2004-05-28T16:27:00.000+10:00

As of today, H.N.C still applies BUT
"striving for maximum sleep and study; nil social life" will come into practice.
Of course, feel free to drop me a line during "freetime" (Optus n 3!!) hee hee
Will cut myself out from civilisation during this crucial period, let my only contact to the outside world be ma phone...
Currently very into sleeping ;p

how time flies...just like that, 1 semester is gone...into 3rd year next sem...freakish...soon...will be attending graduations...*hiks hiks* who will come for mine??? when all of u are gone :(

2004-05-26T18:49:00.000+10:00

Procrastination lead to the following findings:
-crushed 3 snails till date
-there r a H.N.H in the lib n H.N.Cs
-i've got a gas oven...hmmn...gotta figure out how to get the temp right
-i'm beggining to 'blind-spot' the miscoloured patch on my wall
-there seems like nothing i can do to ever repay my parents
-i'll disintegrate without them
-i can't quite yet survive alone in this world
-i go mad if i don't talk for one day *phew* i've got Bax n Tiara
-just wondering what goes thru the doggies' minds

Planned a whole new timetable...so screwed big time...
contemplating if i should continue going to the library...seems like i never get much done there :(...seem to study better at home this time round...*yoz...sorry to all u study buddies out there...don't miss me too much if i'm not there...just make believe that i'm present...hee hee...a.k.a start talking to the wall :)
been going for after-dinner walks :0) pretty relaxing...
slept for 15hours on sat :) woohoo...theres always a first time to everything...this one is definitely for the keeping.
did quite well for the 30% marketing project :) wasn't expecting to pass at all...hee hee...what can i say :P we r just good (cheers Manli n c-n)...mmm...dinner fr Poasa..haha

right...gotta go back to work n lala land :)

2004-05-22T14:10:00.000+10:00

Woke up in an awkward position....head partially on the delux beanbag...n the rest somehow finding their way around...one feet under the table, the other beside the powerboard...half a butt cheek on a wire cable...probably why i woke up....the wire was cutting into my bloody ass...ouch....btw...all happened in Lib's place...those two...*tsk tsk* called me at 1 am to crash over...talked till about 6.30...man...we were like 'uhuh...mmm....ya....' before we conked out...ZZzZZzZzZz...
the morning after...had a good brunch :)...Libby cooked for us :P
now here i am...bored...sleepy...technically gotten 4 hours of lousy sleep...but was alright, i slept like a pig anyways...n still in Lib's place...too lazy to get ma lazy ass home...btw, eddy hogged my bed...called him this morn n he was like " hey where u? why din u come home"....me "u asking me now? u slept on my bed rite? din wanna wake u, since u sick anyway...so i crashed Lib's place...ok ttul" muahahahah he was *touched*i think :)
*hopefully more dinners from him :)
so so boring...exams....haiz...life....so boring....
donate some spice please :)

2004-05-16T22:02:00.000+10:00

*Visualise*

Urgently needing the toilet.
Found a flooded kitchen...
Pissed!!!
Clean up!!!
Relieved!!
...
Need toilet again...
Found remnants of diarrhoea all over the toilet!!!
Super pissed!!
Clean up!!
Relieved!
...
Trying to study...
Received a *I need to pee* look...
Brought him out!!!
Made a mess in the kitchen...toilet door locked!
Made a mess of himself!!
Ran around!!!!!
Cleaned him up!! *super mega smelly*
Had to re-clean all the crapped area!!!
...
Had a truly wonderful experience with crap, the mop n floor cleaning detergent

If this goes on...2 options:
-hibernate in the library n sneak home to sleep @ nite
*OR*
-stay at home to be domesticated, n fail uni n go mad!!

Bax:
-getting too whinny (progressing into a wuss)n A.D.D
-refusing to eat :( n vomits after he eats
-having diarrhoea :(
-getting skinnier....
-still attempting to hump...n enjoying the occasional hump from Tiara
-painful looking stiches and what looks like purplish, shrinking testicles....aww poor baby....

I'm "one of the others now" haha, i'm on 3...but keeping my old Optus no...just in case, my 3 no is 0433208701

Landlord came to 'fix' up the house today...succeeded in disfiguring my pink wall...he gave it a bloody cream patch next to the window...in an attempt to cover up the mouldy patch tt was there b4...man...now i miss the mould!!

~summary~

2004-05-15T22:47:00.000+10:00

JUST how horny can a dog get?
witnessed a 'drowsy' recently 'castrated' Baxter hump and mating with Tiara...she's like a drug that sends him up to lala land...his stiches bled a little BUT it can't be that bad if he continues hitting on her rite?
Tiara was humping Bax too...hmmn....horny horny...
Like a jukebox-gone-wrong were the noises they made when separated...man...Bax literally went mad when i locked him in my room with me...had to put up with his racquet for 3 hours before Eddy opened the door to reunite them...some hell broke lose when they r together but ALL hell broke lose when separated...Tiara will have a bloody time when she gets speyed in June...

Been adding an extention with every sentence i make...*B****y F***...bad bad...will try *cross fingers n toes* to kick the habit...my mum will pengz if she hear me speak...man, moving house+castrate dogs+exams not a good combi at all...

Exams r so near yet i'm still in yaya land...

Dinner was extravagent yesterday...considering i'm left with $100 bucks in my bank account...had a 5.1 pound lobster @ $38/pound...do the maths...but was alrights...its probably partially digested by now...went for a walk along chapel n commercial rd...man...that 'gay' street...really wanna go check out a gay bar...probs after the exams...will drag u guys along anyways...hopefully we wun have to get round to protecting u all...*ehemz*...man, guess its true, all cute guys are either taken or gays...should have seen all of those 'pretty' faces checking out Derek n Jason as we walked pass the cafes n bars...man seems like the first time whereby we (Manli, Lib n I) can check out guys so blatantly...haha cheap thrill
went for a cheepoo but super mega satisfying desert after that...24h hungry jacks are always good...we had a 40cents softserve cone...i was almost in awe as i paid...it feels so wow knowing that not all good things come ex...:) four of us just sat n ate n smiled...felt so good...kinda brought back the memories of when we were still kiddos :)

its creeping back...my coffee addiction...i hope i won't reach for V or redbull ever...ironically..been oversleeping...slept for 11 hours, woke up for 2 hours, n slept for another 3 hours...it took Lib n Derek's arrival to get my ass off the bed...i guess 2 doonas make a lethal combi...
for days to come, forseeing coffee, library, panda eyes fr over-sleeping, minute words fr bloody textbooks, over printing of past yr papers, daily frowns, constipation from talking-withdrawal, nightmares, poverty, peanut-butter sandwiches and maggi mee, tea n more tea...g'luck..

its so sad when a friend is afraid of judgements from another friend...making too much pre-assumptions...pissing man...

2004-05-12T12:12:00.000+10:00

my phone had recently become my best friend...the entertainment brought about by the in-built radio is immense...and the ability to gain 'outside' contact with a few buttons...BUT...i'm applying for 3 anyway ;p

pretty glad that the com is in eddy's room..wouldn't be able to get any work done if its in my room...hmmn...pretty much mugging away these few days...not much done though...well...

happy studying ppl :) n all the best for the exams

2004-05-09T12:12:00.000+10:00

I hate having to wait in a queue....
n the sinister unpredictability of life...

was about 11pm...a few days ago...Rathi called "Mrs Lee passed away"...i did no know how to go about reacting...it seemed so far away...fond memories of our stern principle came floating through my mind... life indeed is fragile. She just collapsed and went into auto-shut down mode.

The unlucky crushed snail...i couldn't find the evidence of my crime...could the dogs have eaten them up?

Had a pretty good pre-exam chill-out...successfully did nothing but 'played' the whole of yesterday away...went for brunch in Brunswick St...so nice....n Vchan's house warming...watched "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" pretty cool...erm...a little freaky during...but after was like 'Cheyz'...
...had a long talk with Lib on the way home...were freezing our asses off in the cold but we still managed for an hour or so...

the Landlords came to check out the house n the stuff they need to fix up...pretty nice Viet couple...n Bax peed on the bag of garlic tt Eddy just bought...boy will he be pissed if he finds out...have to get rid of the evidence...'a rat ate them all' maybe...

the dogs are getting used to the idea of sleeping on the couch n its so cute to see the 2 of them snuggled up together...

Caught up with Jan n KW on fri...was good...getting all the latest goss...went to this little Jap 'hut' on lil bourke st...somewhere i've not ever heard of..."macchiatto" hmmn..weird name i thought for a jap place....was real cosy, like the kind you'll see on Jap series...

2004-05-07T02:04:00.000+10:00

Oops...i crushed a snail...i din mean it...was bringing the dogs to the back yard to do their thang...last round...then "kRiSh" i crushed it...din see it, was too dark...sounded really crunch...eww...might take a pic of it tmr morning if i remember and post it up someday...a.k.a aft exams

Baxter really really is my darling...hes my baby, sayang, baobei, baxy, bibi....cant get enuff of him...n i feel bad for tiara...she always there...so obedient...so nice...n i never once called her baby...aww...

tomorrow will be the start of my studying period...don't think i'll be going to the library much...wanna stay at home to really study...hmmn...i dunno...

can't wait for winter holidays....i wanna do up my garden soon...

2004-05-05T22:46:00.000+10:00

Signs of ageing:
-backache ( of which i used a medicated plaster which smells like crap but oh well, a job well done)
-senility ( i left things everywhere and conveniently forgot abt them)
-more lines??

My new house is cold...real cold...have to keep the heater on all nite....damn...my down donna is no good now...
i need another electric blanket cos eddy traded his heater for my blanket...man...

Mum called...was alright...lagging converstion, but was alright..told her that i needed to chill and its time to let the boys take on some responsibilities...she went'mmm'...'ya'....

Accidentally saw the grocery list that Eddy is planning to buy...whatever he calls 'functional' items and food..chilli powder, red dates, dried shrimp, lotus suds, dried longans, salted fish, more sambal, dumpling sauce ( but we sint got any dumplings), chicken powder, lily bulbs, maggi soy sauce...man...thats not food for me...no wonder he always yells at me whenever i buy 'food'...

Am i seeing things or are my knuckles purplish?hmmn...i think i better wear gloves....fingers feel so so stiff...
Need to stop procrastinating and start on my exam revision...crappy S*...

2004-05-04T22:56:00.000+10:00

Life is just not normal anymore...i feel strayed and alone for the first time since time permits for some thinking.
Was alright 5 mins ago...thought that i could get by anything now that i've been through so much crap lately but no...somehow, theres a nagging feeling of desertment...everyone seems so bz recently...maybe its just me...so caught up with myself tt there just seem to be no room for anything else...n the exams are coming...i dunno, haven been thinking in a long time...
all the blogs...the silent communcation...its good...cept that sometimes you have to think b4 you blog...its like such a fake public diary thats been edited and re-edited...

Through all these...have learnt to appreciate the melody of the water droplets on a cold rainy day and the cold spurts of water during showers ( yes, i've got a faulty shower head)...n adi did such a sweet thing today...he went out to buy toilet paper n bread...he knows that i need bread whilst he wouldnt normally touch them....but...i bought toilet paper too ( we both bought quilton cept that he bought the one with the bluish shell n dolphin prints while i boughts the one with printed purple flowers....the disparity bet guys n gals) n i bought him cereal :) hee hee... i dont tell him that but i really love this brother of mine...hes always putting up my PMSes, nagging, screams, hysteria and always providing a listening ear :P
N things have progressed from our usual 5 seconds of civil talk and 5 mins of screaming to finally 10seconds of civil talk n less screaming...somehow, although i still cant bear to have to talk to him so much, somehow we r more receptive of each other now...able to work things thru a lil more, more tolerant n hes willing to do grocery shopping from now on...now that he wants to do it...its just plain weird...may sound silly but going to the supermarket is therapeutic too...not as powerful as retail therapy but still...n just seeing rows and rows of pretty packages...well..it'll be good for a change...less weight on my shoulders...finally....
will have to call mum soon...somehow, tried calling her twice but she's always not around...maybe its meant to be...i've not talked to her for about 2 weeks or so now n i dunno what to tell her...i dont want her to worry abt stuff here but thats what been preoccupying my hapless soul for the pass...er...ever since i can remember...i want to talk like we used to...i hate it when she attempts to find out stuff abt him...like i'm a PI...hes old enough to take care of himself...why ask me? i'm already bz enough trying to handle his problems....i just dont understand why shes so preoccupied with him...what about me? i cant remember the last time we just chatted...its always heading in that direction...towards him...everything is about him him n him...arrgh...i cant take it...i dread having to call her...i hate it when i have to call knowing that i'll end up feeling jaded... i know they love me but its sometimes not enough just knowing it... i feel so bad...

2004-05-03T05:10:00.000+10:00

Wasted youth and prematured brain cells…after infinity of thinking and rethinking running through my battered head…finally,more settled…into my new home and ‘new’ way of life. about done with the two final assignments, I can strive ahead for the exams…man…not quite…gotta settle the stained carpet in the ‘old’ apartment…what is wrong with these people? Can’t live with a little graffiti in their lives and appreciate the art work of my darl Baxy. The smells gone but the scar remains…might be up for carpet replacement. I’ll be so screwed, esp with parents…they already don’t have a fantastic impression of the lil monster, hopefully I won’t be up for floorboard replacement when I move out of here…
Yet another problem…a pretty damn serious one…Tiara is in heat again…hopefully Bax won’t get to her before their ‘sanitising’ in a couple of weeks…hmmn…no more puppies.
Cant wait to go shopping for my room…needs a lil dolling up and clearing of all random things lying around…playing the waiting game with my brothers now…hmmn…*mental note “don’t give in Lidia”…and trying to convince my brother to set up the dining table, just anywhere BUT in my room…
Been MIA for the pass few days, doing the projects…n thank u Libby for ur accounting assignment..how lazy can melb uni get? We pay them heaps n they recycle the assignments…good but…its like 95% similar and do they think they’ll be able to fool us by paraphrasing the questions??*&%#$@%
Its getting colder…the weather…I can’t imagine winter…it was hailing yesterday…a few times I think and its quite amusing to see the hail bouncing off surfaces and attempting to freeze Manli’s nose with melted hail (*tsk tsk to the ABSM, gotta do better next time :p…just so easy to find a scapegoat*)
Going down to the agent tomorrow…wish me luck with these malicious ppl…
Gotta redirect all my mails too n call mum…been too long since I updated her on stuff…
5.07 am currently, was pass bed-time…not sleepy now…lets hope that Tiara doesn’t give in to her lustful nature…man….poor baby…

MOVED...

2004-04-29T17:06:00.000+10:00

Finally....i can say that i've moved...people have been asking me why i took forever to move...haha...welll...not everything went as planned but most did...got all our stuff fr Card st. last night...b4 that...i was cleaning the apartment like nobody's business...wiping the walls...concealing Bax's teething evidence (chewed off bits of skirting corners) with paint...looks alright actually...mopping the bathroom...mopping all concrete surfaces...bla bla bla...left the fish tank (note* with fishes still) and my succulent cacti...probably shoud go bring them over soon...the biggest goldfish died...hmmn...it has been bobing up and down ever since i last noticed the fish tank...abt 3 days ago...ya...i guess when you have something 'sedentary' at a spot for too long, you literally don't see it anymore...i thinks its called 'blindspot' or something in Psy...
kinda settled my room...all the basics have been fixed..just need to doll it up a little...Bax n Tiara are settling in alright..i think they love the freedom of just walking out a door n doin their stuff...haha...but i'll have to wash their feet every night now...damn...used to do it for Baxter when he was tiny...ages agooooo..... will get them their bedding soon...if my brother wants to put them in his room....if not they can just sleep on my bed....NOT....need to get some nice nice fabric for the 'curtains' n the fireplace n the armchair....nice...might get some synthetic flowers too....awwww...hate that i cant do it now...ultimate freedom only when i've K.Oed my 2 assignments...
Thank you ppl for being so concerned about my well being...gotten a few more bruises and bumps...i think i've gotten used to it man...haha shall not tell mum..she'll freak out...i have a sudden craving for bird's nest...hmmn..wasn't a fan b4 but somehow, just feel like having some...hmmn...cravings....wonder what i'll crave when i'm pregnant nx time...mum was telling me how for all five of us, she craved completely different stuff...it was the worst for my sis cos she craved turtle soup...ewwwww *pui pui*...n worst thing was, she was having them like at least twice a week...imagine the no. of sacrificed turtles...for my sis...sure gonna make her feel guilty abt tt..haha
cant wait to finish my assignments...then i can carry out all my grand plans...aka...study in the library...i really have to...dunno what i've been doin for the past err...7 weeks...why? why is it always like that every semester....dammit....haiz.....anyways....looking forward to the holidays :)

2004-04-26T19:15:00.000+10:00

moving tomorrow...yay...kinda excited :)
was cleaning up the house on Sunday...mopping like mad :P
at least we can now sleep in the rooms...
just feeling excited...hopefully eddy fix up the hole b4 thurs...

had the fall of my life yest...or was exxagerating...fell on the stairs while walking Bax...haiz...long story...now i've got blue blacks all over my legs...some from the fall and some from bumping into things while moving...as usual la, CLUMSY....
ya n did i mention that i knocked my head against the ceiling...twice...while cleaning up the new house...another long story...2 additional bumps....imagine if i shaved all my hair off....hmmnn....

was a pretty good day today...the guy who fixed the window plane is soo sooo nice...he climbed to the roof to check the crack on my bathroom ceiling and cleared the gutter in my water trough or watever u call that...man...sometimes people can be so mean n so nice to u....my agent sucks but the ppl they call to fix up my house is so so nice....
my head is spinning a lil...the bumps feel like they are expanding...phew...lucky its so cold these days...

hmmn...need to go get my bin from the city council...dammit......arrgh...

Happy Birthday Am!!!

2004-04-25T02:09:00.000+10:00

hee hee...Happy Birthday Am...
20 now...we're on par le....
Dinner was a blast :) yum2 pretty good n many many ppl....they all do it for u babe :)
sorry couldn't join u all clubbin....hee hee Adi told me tt the bouncers turned u all down :@ man... next time, try to bribe him or something...a kiss mabbe...hahaha..jkjk

Thanks to all those who helped me move....muax muax n hugs hugs...steamboat for u all soon ar :) just have to settle in 1st :) really appreciate all the help peeps...pretty cool yeah...got fined $50 for tryin to save a lil change...hahaha..if onli money could solve everything :) sorry Vchan...hope they dun have the deducting points thinggy here...if not ur car n ur license so ke lian...sorry2...
Yup..moved pretty much 50% of my stuff to the new place...gonna go clean up tomorrow...
will go for make-up tutes on mon man...so tt i'll be free of uni for the next four days...man...just gotts get it over n done with...2 assgmts due...dunno when to start...pity my group mates...aka manli n chien....

will go bark at the agents on mon....Vchan go bark with me can...i got sore throat...cant bark loud enough...n whoever wants to contribute to the barking can come along too :)

Tell me by Pan Wei Bo is damn nice :)
feeling chill at this point...chill as the weather...

2004-04-23T23:30:00.000+10:00

Got my house keys today….TOTAL DISASTER!!!
Man…I dunno how much more unethical Thomson can get…
-house lock is jammed….but when the locksmith came…he told me that its not the right key…fucking shit…anyway, I changed the locks….
-the glass plane on the back door’s been smashed and its an easy break-in!!!
-the bathroom ceiling’s leaking…dunno if I should be thankful for the rain today…
-the locksmith pointed out so many ways whereby anyone can just break-in…
-theres mold on the wall…ewwwwwwww….
-the pink paint is a lil unappealing…
-the house is more than a hundred years old!!!
-the door knobs are at least a century old n are like on the brink of falling out…
I’m so gonna swear till my mouth rots…
-the house have not been cleaned…
too many to pick on…arrgh…desperation really drives u to the brink….i feel so anal n whinny n I dun like it!!! its just too bad a start…I come home to Bax n Tiara n I feel so so bad, I haven walked them in ages…its just not fair for them :(
Fucking agents…..arrgh…..i’m heading for a breakdown…2 projects due in 10 days, with too much to do in-between….fucking shit shit shit…I dun wanna swear but..arrgh…
I sound so so anal….arrgh…..i need to scream btu my throat is sore…
I just hope that the glass plane will be fixed by tomorrow so that I can move my stuff and move my ass in…
Need to get a bed frame too…the thought of potential creepy crawlies are just too much to take…
I was walking to n fro my place to the new place so much that I feel like puking…wish that I have a personal chauffer at this point in time…
Man…today was n is still BAD BAD BAD…I wanna puke…too much to worry abt...can someone volunteer to camp at my place during summer??? I’m scared…n can I get a hug when any of u next see me….i need a lot of hugs…n the weather’s so bad…

Moving

2004-04-23T02:12:00.000+10:00

its 1.55am...i'm hungry....
hope i dun fall sick....din eat proper food today...
cereal for brekky...muffin for lunch....had some mushroom soup...had some choc n biscuits for dinner (oops....)
i'm so so hungry....been packing up from 6...man...din know that i have so much junk man....
i'm feeling pity for those supa nice ppl who are helping me to move...thanks guys...owe u all 1 k...will make it up...somehow, someday...:) *muax*muax*hugs*hugs* in advance....
Feeling impossible...there seems to be too many things to attend to....

*ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* a cyber scream......relieved.....a lil'...

2 assignments due....soon....n going into the 8th week of uni....arrghhhhhhhh......help help help help....i need a place to run to n hide in...until i feel strong enough to face the dungs....man...i wish....
when i've settled into my new place.....i wanna
1)have a house warming
2)hangout in the library...it will be the coolest place to be....soon...
3) pursue my H.N.C...i will not give up....n those who wanna join Vchan in his new club...H.N.H (a.k.a Hot-Nerdy-Hunks)...strickly for males...erm...actually...i'm not in charge for this one...
4)Decorate my room....aaahhhhh Alannah Hill style....mmmmm.....
5) go jogging with Lib
6) Get a 3 network/phone....n force u all to get one too :) hee hee...*evil*
7)call mum n dad...to chat
...many more to come...

hmmn....gonna go sleep a lil....prepare for tomorrow...:)....be more +ve...

2004-04-20T21:46:00.000+10:00

Uni was not too bad...er, so far anyway...
so into matchbox 20 lately...just been listening to the same few songs...
since i changed their dog food, Tiara's getting fatter n fatter n Bax's been losing weight...hmmn..
arrgh...too many things to catch up on...uni work that is...2 more assignments to go...
Burnt my first cd today :) don't exactly know wat to do but it turned out alright :P
the thought of having to pack up is freaking me a little man...seems like i've got so many stuff stashed away somewhere...hahahha just jope that Vchan's car don't break down...*choi*choi*...
haha alright, thats all for today...feeling very cheery despite a lack of sleep...
going to hunt boxes down now...b4 i do some studying...
man its already pretty late...hope i dun get too sleep deprived this week...

2004-04-18T21:31:00.000+10:00

Uni uni uni....man...i can't believe that Easter holiday's over :(
7th week..eeekkk....
erm...broke my bro's favourite black bowl..oops...hes not at home..hopefully he doesn't smash my jap plate set...
aiight...will try to re-welcome uni...like i should...

2004-04-17T19:28:00.000+10:00

Woke up feeling like I’ve not rested…
Can’t remember if it was sunny or gloomy outside…
Feeling very rushed for time…went to law lib with Manli n Shan to finish up the mkt assgmt…saw Jaw on the way home…
Today was so cold…
Had dinner with Pinky, YiAnn, Munhong etc…was good catching up…
Just realized that it’s a ritual to ‘tuck’ Tiara to bed and kiss Bax gnite…what would I do w/o them…
Sometimes its hard to move on…its painful…
Its easy to neglect…
Its only when they’ve left that you noticed the prints they leave behind…

Sudden revelation as I was brushing my teeth…everybody’s threshold of problems are different…

Pantat: regret not catching up with u enough when you’re down…I have to talk to you soon dude…sorry2

The thought of uni starting in 2 days makes me queasy…

2004-04-16T15:00:00.000+10:00

Chapel was boring today…saw many beautiful people…beautiful on the outside that is.
Saw a gorgeous jacket…might get it, after I move and if its still there…

Pot luck at Derek’s pretty cool…had loads of fun…can’t wait till my house warming…
It feels so good to not think about uni stuff for a whole day :)
Will be going to the 24-hour lab tomorrow to finish up my assignment
Getting used to my gold nails too…thankful for the bunch of people around me and the unconditional companionship of Baxter and Tiara…XOXO

2004-04-15T14:58:00.000+10:00

Roller coaster of everything…been a crazy week…or should I say weeks…

I need a device that would transmit my thoughts into the computer or wherever so that I don’t have to articulate them into words…

Finished my marketing draft…don’t know if my essay made any sense…can’t think…blanks…blanks and more blanks…come blogging time…I feel refreshed…

It feels surreal…I’ve signed my lease, getting the keys next Friday and I can’t remember the interior of the house that’ll be my shelter for the next year cept that it’s got pale pink walls, wooden floorboards, a few useless fireplaces, a messy courtyard and a very UNGLAM kitchen…I didn’t even check if its got enough sockets or space to house all my stuff n my brothers’ of course…will be installing window ‘grills’, barbed wires, a security system when I move in and I probably should change the locks and get property insurance…I dunno…too many things to get done…

Bottom line: I’m moving and its not yet sunken in…I might have fallen in love with my current dwelling and it hurts to have to part…

Looking at the brighter side…I’m gonna move to a house :) I’ll have a courtyard to plant all the beauty of nature and make sure Dronelle doesn’t come and eat them up…Bax and Tiara won’t be detested mongrels and can probably bark their lungs out with the amount of traffic nuisance going around…for the 1st time in my life, i’m staying within 20metres of a cemetery…embracing the order of life (maybe?) I can have barbies :) yes, just bring the meat :)…it should be an unforgettable experience I guess…a Victorian terrace drenched with historical values…hey I’m in Victoria :p lame but…

7th week of uni comin up…I’m anxious and exasperated…after I move, I am so gonna be a full-time nerd. I need to! Someone gimme back my discipline! I’m worried! I need a study buddy! Put my feet back on the ground! Aust is bad, bad n bad!! I want my mummy! I SOUND ANAL!!

Just foreseeing the 13th week…redbull, coffee, more redbull (sugar free of course!!)…some eye bags, hollow eyes, blank, blank n blank-er…I don’t want that! Cant wait for winter holidays…mum n dad n all coming over…I hope…I could use some princess treatment right now and forever…Baxter’s whining right now…arrgh…bugger…

Was just thinking…I’ll probably fill up a whole house if I printed out all my blog postings when I’m 30…ewww scary…my poor neglected diary…collecting dust ever since I started blogging…everything seem to be screaming for immediate attention…just realized that:
I can’t really multi-task…
Gets anal when bombarded with stuff…
Talk too much…Too verbal...*tsk tsk*
Too idealistic…I need to cement my feet to the ground
Have a tendency to neglect
Preoccupied with myself…most of the time…
Can’t live without a phone…yes…I need to talk…all the time…
Bad bad tempered n again…anal…
Can live without shopping
Can’t live without Bax n Tiara
Loves jogging (new found passion)
Stress n emotional pigger
Extremely grateful for English…makes the world smaller
Did the wrong uni course
Regret but don’t repent
Extremely misunderstood
Need a break…

Going to chapel st with Lib tmr…n derek’s house warming...will try to inject some life into my life…its 2.22am…*yawn*…ZZzZzZzz soon…looking forward to tomorrow :)

:p

2004-04-15T10:58:00.000+10:00

In com lab now...supposed to do mkt assgmt...damn, i wanna get this shit over and done with...

Went house hunting yesterday...yes at 29 degree celcius...was damn bloody hot...went to quite a few places...and i'm proudly announcing that I FOUND A PLACE...gonna sign the bond later :) the agent is erm...pretty cute too :P Moving to Princes st :) House warming coming up :)

Thank you Lib, Vchan n Adi for accompaning me in the heat yesterday...appreciate that...muax...Thank you Am n Jason too :) for offering me a ride :) grateful for all these...n everyone else who offered help :) thank you thank you

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
I wanna go do karate or tae kwon do....
i'll force my daughter to learn some form of self-defence
Make sure my husband don't have violent tendencies
fool proof stuff at home :P ...er...for now...
get rid of the "mighty-root-of-all-evil"

Anybody knows how to fix up a hole in the wall?? Bloddy shit...kept the place good for 2 years n all this shit gotta happen now....my BOND!!!!!

EVICTED!!

2004-04-13T20:58:00.000+10:00

Finally...this is it...no negotiation...i'll have to move.
Erm...recovering fr shock...can't bitch as of yet...

VENOM

2004-04-13T03:58:00.000+10:00

Men are visibly aggressive, and this has obscured the problem of female hostility, which is far more subtle" Phyllis Chesler ( author of Woman's inhumanity to woman)

i hate to say this but i can understand why EVE is so persecuted for being a total bitch/slut/seductress...it seems no matter how smart guys (ADAM) are, they inevitable succumb and 'crumble' under women...maybe?? NO matter how macho and strong their i-don't-give-a-fuck attitude may be...the poisonous of all poison would be concocted by women i guess...despite me being super pro the female population...i'd have to admit to this...which i myself can't stand...
The worst thing would be an affinity for jealousy...omg...that just screws everything...a jealous woman is almost equivalent to someone with extreme bipolar disorder i guess or serious multiple personality disorder...a sweet young thing...wham bang....a totally unmanageable bitch...i can't stand my own kind, who think they are super pretty...i mean its ok if one thinks that they are relatively attractive BUT not when they start hallucinating and seeing themselves as every men's dream come true etc...sorry peeps, just have to bitch a lil'

Made my point and satisfied!! moving on...
i think i'm so mean to those that i'm close to...ya, ya'll know what i mean...esp Z...hmmn...can't seem to hold a proper conversation with him for more than 3 seconds...anything longer than that and i'll snap...like a snapper..*snap*snap*snap*...i just can't help it that he puts in nil effort to build up any sense of trust that hes crumbled time and time again...our relationship is like a leaking boat in the middle of the vast ocean...fragile and extremely sinkable...sometimes i wish that it'll just sink, so that i can get on with life without having to be pissed at him everytime we try to 'communicate'...like a sunken boat that just sinks to the bottom to be rotted away and forgotten...i know i'm evil but...i've got limits too...so far its been pushed to the max...20 years is a long time...i've known him forever, yet i dunno whats going thru his mind ( does he have one?) everytime, anytime...in fact all the time... i hate it when he demands something and i have to give in...i mean like hello...isn't he supposed to be the one to give in to my demands? be my shelter when i need one? leading me on the paths of life? Basically i have no choice...i have to give in...there is no other feasible way...weary from all this dag...i want out of this exitless crap... He's just got a way...to somehow make me feel guilty when i'm reluctant to help him...yet when i'm in need, theres no way i can count on him...cursed be the firstborn...haiz....i would gracefully take over if i'm the one but....i need a time machine...
Brain disfunctioning now....its 3.58am...i'm zonked....

2004-04-12T02:30:00.000+10:00

Thank you Jason for sending me n Adi home :) had a great time at the party :) n also meeting up with Pantat n Pinky...do you have to leave tomorrow Pantat? I dunno when i'll see you again man....i'll try to get my ass down to Sydney during Sept hols k, in the meantime, take care dude...hee ;p
Feels so preoccupied suddenly...like theres so many things to do...will have to start marketing assgmt soon and all my readings....HNC...wo hui jia you de......seriously miss secondary school days...was talking to Laureen...how small is the world? she's from St. margs too...coolest school on earth ;p...was bitching abt all the weird-ass teachers, ever so flourishing lesbo community n the mass production of bitches :p i miss those days...when sch was literally school...realise that Uni is not exactly the funnest thing on earth...but its supposed to be 'good'...
Somehow things seemed to be clearing up...or could it be that i'm finally taking things easier...already thinking about a ski trip, trip to Sydney and summer hols....just have to dispose of my dogs somewhere ;p and save up...hate to ask for money ;p although somehow i alway end up doing so ;p
Know how people always say that life 'ends' once you reach the 20s....i think its kinda the opposite, for me anyways...its like, FINALLY...the freedom and ability to incorporate all the dreams/wants/whatever into reality...not that i've been guinea pigs of my parents but finally, the ability to actually do stuff...eg,travelling with frens....BUT somehow, stayovers seem so drag nowadays...always looking forward to home sweet home at the end of the day :)to Baxy n Tiara :) nothing beats the bed!!
Did an evil thing today...sent the most horrible sms, as of now....that just ended everything. dunno if its a wise choice but its a choice alright...according to economics, theres always a trade-off, well i guess...no regrets i hope....n Jaw keeps flashing back n fourth...i'm a goner!!! HELP!!

2004-04-12T02:29:00.000+10:00

2004-04-12T02:28:00.000+10:00

2004-04-12T02:27:00.000+10:00

EASTER!!

2004-04-10T02:26:00.000+10:00

Woke up this morn with an extreme 'i'm gonna have a meaningful holiday' mood...planned out my timetable...ya i'm ridgit...had to catch up with 6 weeks of piled-up uni-shit and some socialising...not yet ready for the 'inert' world...went jogging/running/messing around with Baxter in the morning...felt so good...the remnants of the Garden show was breadth taking...imaging the actual show...darn...been missing it for the pass 3 years, just can't bring my lazy ass down...should find someone whose gaga over gardening n stuff n have them drag me there...next year...came across a vege patch...with all the usual salad veges that i normally 'grass' down...reminded of my forsaken salad dinners....will be hard esp this hol...

Tried to read some Psy stuff...i tried, i really tried....but....yeah...was pretty much walking around the house, jumping on my trampoline, visiting the loo too much, lying around...guess i'll have to add today's work to tomorrow's load...damn, a never ending pile. Was so dying to just walk around the city, but it had to be EASter and most shops, actually essential shops are closed...met up with Manli, Poasa and Chien...had bubble tea...followed by dinner at Kaneda...OMG guess what, i saw Jaw...sitting on the table in front of mine...was quite shocked man...he looked a little different. i think he recognises me...we had this 'I've seen you around' eye-contact....finally, for the 1st time this year, a face-to-face contact...erm, still cute but charm's gone down...back to being piggggsss....we went to chocolate buddha at Feb Sq...was alright, felt out-numbered being the only asians there....i think...n yes, we went to a greek cafe after that...n stuffed my face into a coconutty-supa sweet-thing...but was very good overall...haven felt so carefree in a long long while...great start to the hols....

Thank you Lib, Derek n Am for offering to take care of Fluffy, really appreciating it...so far he's been a good boy and getting along well with Bax n Tiara...i just can't pat him w/o Bax growling jealously...its funny how Bax would 'push' Fluffy away whenever i play with them and Tiara would 'push' Bax away....the MISUS rules in this apartment...love my babies :)

Was discussing with Am abt how its funny that when we don't have it, we're like gaga abt it but when its right smack in our face we're like...yeah whatever...talking about the opp sex here...our conclusion is that we just like the satisfaction from being evil...from knowing that we have the power to say no...that we mattered to someone...that we are just being bitches :) and enjoying every moment of it...evil but...shiok...earlier we were discussing abt how we should just go on dates with as many people as possible, to just go out and have fun...but NO, don't think that we could just go out with any bu-bu-ba-bu-seng and just have flings...we're completely uptight-idiocrytic fools who can't seem to take matters of the heart lightly, yet we don't wanna place too much into em....bottomline...we're disillusioned by the media...

Am recovering from my pre-MS...lets hope that i don't get a post-MS...
PS: Just can't belive that i'm so over Jaw...hmmn...stress+cute guy = disaster!!

2004-04-09T11:02:00.000+10:00

Had a shitty Micro mid-sem paper on wed…20% down the drain…fast-forward 7-8 weeks…”exam period”, the usual, tons of sugar-free redbull, cappuccinos, oversized H2O bottles, messy hair, smudged mascara ( that’s if I even bother with the make-up), over-sized jumpers, no fags hopefully, but this time….’inert-tion’…trying to study at home, become a home-nerd…decided that library is only good in moderation, been over-dosing for the past year…

Feeling best since the last 2 weeks although I’m still PMSing heavily + my internet connection died-ed, but hey, it’s the start of the Easter break….11 days free of uni…. I better do something worthy..3 assignments loads of catching up with work from the past 6 weeks….would love to meet up with so many ppl and do so many things  *dazing…*excited*

Would like to take this opportunity to apologize to wou2…sorry if I’ve been snappy lately…and next time, I’ll make sure you hear from me 1st hand k…sorry for being a cause of grief and an excessive dose of worriment …its just that when I don’t see you around, its hard to catch up and I understand that you are busy and I’m pretty much pre-occupied with my own stuff as well…

Just feeling too deviated…too much to attend to. Hopefully this holiday would be a break. Fluffy will be under my care for the next 5 days. I hope they don’t bark….i’ll get into deep deep shit man…agent still haven called…I guess I’ll only start to worry when they’ve evicted me…pretty dumb when I think abt all the unnecessary worries that I’ve gone through abt this whole thing…it feels so much better to take things easy man…always good to close one eye sometimes

A certain someone ( too rude to quote names) told me that I’ve not been playing hard enough….thinking back, I dunno what I’ve done since uni started…it feels like I’m stuck in a rut…doing the same things week after week….i have to break away from this meaningless cycle…procrastinating too much and holding back at play…what does it mean to play? It feels so familiar yet so far away…I gotta take my babies to the park tomorrow…pray for good weather…I wanna cook a real meal every weekend…Wanna spare a day from the week to do what I want. I wanna study when I’m studying. I wanna enjoy uni n life in general…gotta go skiing this July or something and I wanna go to either Tas or Goldcoast b4 summer school starts, join me peeps...

2004-04-06T00:28:00.000+10:00

Hmmn..dunno wassup man, been sleeping n sleeping..overslept today, which "screwed-up' my schedule...but was alright...
din go for the open house cos i ended class at 1 and it ends at 1.10...damn, so kiam with the time #@%&*%$#...anyway...had a mighty huge double scoop of Baskin Robins ice-cream today...had the ever-so-yummy peanut butter n choc & white-choco macadamia ....yummm. * salivating now?*...miss working there...maybe its a blessing afterall....finally able to enjoy the heavenly range of ice-creams...ppl, u should go too...at melb central :) hee hee
tried to study a little in the library with Lib n Rathi but hmmn...din get alot done....bought celery sticks....should start eating that for snacks man...

2004-04-04T19:23:00.000+10:00

Today was a good day overall...the sun's up and i had a long long nap :) some 3 hours i think...the warmth of the sun just lingered in my room :)
will e-mail the agent since i can't get to her by the phone...
will be inspecting a property on macarthur place tomorrow...looked a little dodgy on the outside but will give it a shot.

Lala Land

2004-04-04T03:02:00.000+10:00

After a long talk with Lib and some rather fierce conversation with Derek...i have decided that i'm not someone who's dying to prove my worth to the world, as long as i'm alright with myself, i can live with it...maybe thats why i never understood those poor struggling souls with A.D.D, all i need is attention from myself and some breathing space mostly...i may be struggling at times but hey, who doesn't. I'm just more vocal i guess...mabbe i talk to much...to the extend that i just wun stop or rather can't stop...i'm addicted to talking....and a rather disgusting finding abt myself of course...when i dun talk i think...too much in fact...why is it disgusting? because when i talk, its rather spontaneous...a.k.a it doesn't pass through enough brain cells to seive up unnecessary 'crap'...but i''m proud of it...
Another thing....i realise that when i'm into someone...that person becomes perfect...only to me though...i guess its good enough until things turn sour...then i go like *bleahz*... n i can't stand unoriginality....one day...maybe one day, i would concoct a scent that is oh-so-moi...
Just too many things running through my overloaded brain...caffein over-dose of tea and a 250g block of dark macadamia choc...have decided, whether i'm staying or not....i'll organise a pot-luck during the easter break...everyone welcome, just remember to bring food enough to feed 100000000000000...people. Should we have an easter egg hunt? i'll need sponsors though, so ppl please kindly drop by some of em and the rest is all menial haha...
Was talking to 'tat'...all the way in Sydney...hope u doin fine there buddy...sorry for the constant neglection...anyways...he said that he's confused by my blog...i think i am too...what was i thinking... its all pink and cheery but the contents are like so eughz...sorry for depressing all those who love me...its just that sometimes i need to voice em out and i'll be alright...yup been tried and tested and proven to work!! i hope that i'll be able to fill in more on the good times...yup yup...will try my best.
I'm thinking of a picnic too, during Easter...currently enroled in this activity is Lib and ye thou art faith-ful Tiara...open till date so sign up asap...
Life is just too short...its gonna be the 6th week of uni in 2 days and i'm not prepared...so we better have more fun to balance our supposedly 'stressful' full-time occupation....i mean, its supposedly the best times of our lives...lets to belive it for it may then lead to fulfilling it...
Shopping does not equate to Bimboticness...note that...its a passion and only those who share the same passion can understand its true beauty...and it does not mean that more $$ is going down the drain...once again, only we know, the joys of getting a bargain :)
And last thing...for now...i can't stand MORONS who constantly try too hard to excel in everything...why make life so hard...(note:its just my personal view, some people live to excel, i salute that but doen't mean that i'll adopt of approve of it)...i mean its freedom of speech...if i'm robbed of that even on my own blog, i'll be shitified...i'm feeling less anal too :) just constipated!!

how true is this?

2004-04-02T22:58:00.000+10:00

How lid Relates to Other People:

-Venus Conjunct Neptune with an orb of less than 1/2 degree:

Love for you is often a "divine discontent". You are so romantic and idealistic it is difficult for any mortal person to sustain your interest without disappointing you. Your need to idealize loved ones may make you susceptible to illusion.

-Venus Conjunct Jupiter with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees:

Yours was an indulged childhood with lots of love and lots of cookies. You have a generous nature both emotionally and materially and people are usually pleased to provide you with the love and creature-comforts you both require and cheerfully give.

-Sun Square Mars with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees:

Something in your relationship with men aroused in you either fear or anger or both. Your relationships with men - personally or professionally - are not comfortable and when you are feeling vulnerable, you can be overly defensive or challenging.

-Sun Square Pluto with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees:

Power struggles plague your relationships. Either you become the dominant partner out of a fear of being controlled or you become very passive, controlling indirectly through guilt or manipulation.

-Venus SemiSquare Saturn with an orb of less than 1 degree:

Since you were a child you have felt you could not just be yourself and be loved. You had to earn your love in some way by being or doing something special. You are far more self-protective than most people realize. Your best love partners are also work partners.

-Mercury Sextile Mars with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees:

Your sense of humor is one of your outstanding qualities. It usually manifests as a rather wry wit. Anyone you're close to must share this sense of irony. You probably have a special talent or an absorbing interest. Your closest ties are likewise involved.

-Mercury Sextile Saturn with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees:

You are extremely well-organized and anyone who isn't equally so would annoy you. You are also very practical and fond of routine. A madcap type you couldn't depend on would ultimately make you miserable - no matter how intense the initial emotional attraction.

-Venus Sextile Pluto with an orb between 1 and 5 degrees:

When it comes to love, you are definitely not casual. You yourself may be surprised at the depths of feeling a close relationship brings to the surface. You love deeply and passionately and do not understand people who are incapable of making lasting commitments.

April fool's or April's fool

2004-04-02T01:13:00.000+10:00

Firstly...need to clarify somehting....i still dunno if i'm staying....bloody agent hasn't gotten back to me yet....so yes, its still pending. its a joke if some of you haven't gotten it yet...

PRE-WARNING: The following might cause serious distress for those who are already unstable. Read at your own risk!!

It would be nice if i could be a CLAM for just a moment...(sorry for the abrupt change of topic)...to shut the world out....just for a while...maybe just get in touch with myself...i've pretty much been robbed of myself these days...doing too much of i dunno what....according to some psychology theory...one must fulfill the basic needs of oneself before being able to proceeed to the next level ( loving others?)...poor Baxy...tremendous success in failing to b a good mummy with a bonus of constant neglection...
hmmn....also been on a steady stream of fat pilling....arrgh...Aust's BaD BAD baD bad.....i want my mummy to take care of me...now i sound like an ANAL-whinny kid ( note: meaning of anal ambiguous...take it as whatever you like)...current fav word, prob influenced by Lib...will use this word in every situation and converstion possible...so...hee hee...be prepared and dun use words like "broken-hymen"(quoted fr Derek) back on me....haha...
walked around the city today....hmmn....nothing...saw and tried the JAG jacket that i so wanted to buy but was out-of-stock tt time...BUT...i don't like it anymore...fickle is right on me...
sometimes...actually most times...life feels so boring and meaningless...sometimes we feel like we know what our existence mean...then again, after some thoughts, we retreat to our once again messed-up head...sometimes we think we've found our 'soul-mate' (for those who believe) just to find that the connection is somewhat short-circuited...and day after day after day, we are slogging for something that we (at least for me, yes) are uncertain about...sometimes i feel like i'm desperately searching for something that i don't know if i actually believe in...maybe i have a split personality...or maybe even multiple personality...or what derek termed 'night syndrome' just that mine's not limited to nighttime...its just so easy to paint up an expression of bliss when in actual fact you're screwed up inside and upside down...see...my blog is so so pink and happy....yet the contents are mostly bleak...if only life is as easy as applying make-up...just use a concealer on anything thats not meant to be seen...full array of colours to choose from...rogue to cheerios-up the day...flawless...
sorry if i'm being too ANAL

Current state of mind

2004-04-02T00:39:00.000+10:00

Christina Aguilera
A Voice Within

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

soured milk

2004-04-01T10:52:00.000+10:00

woke up at 7.30....man...felt like i haven slept at all...seemed like half the time my brain was thinking about all the properties thats for lease and it felt like i was going on and on in a rut....but hey, its a beautiful morning and my eye lids stopped twitching...had all the time int he world man...after a long warm shower...packed lunch- tuna n egg sandwich today..had some breakfast too...will start to eat brekky, apparently it'll slow down ageing :)...but it all started because of a glass of soured milk...its supposed to expire only on the 2nd april...dammit...i've got like 1/2L left #@%&#*...was deciding between having a cup of coffee or just plain old milk.....needless to say, i went straight for the 2nd option that left me cringing...swearing, gargling some 2L of H20 and brushing my teeth again...ok...was exaggerating....but it taste so so yucks...luckily din swallow...ewww...
Good news peeps....agent decided to LET US STAY...woohoo...a party coming up soon....
have a good day :)

2004-03-30T22:15:00.000+10:00

I feel so thankful for all the friends around me who love me so so much...i love ya'll too :) thank you all for always being there whenever i need ( or dun need ;p) and putting my feet back on the ground...helping me cling on to my sanity...really really appreciate all that ya'll have done.
currently trying to negotiate with the agent into letting us stay...might sign a 3 year contract...replace the carpet after that, maybe...ya...will talk to her and work something out...
Its getting colder and darker byt he day...do take care of urselves...i've gotten myself a flu jab...mabbe ya'll should consider too...don't risk anything...n it doesn't hurt :)
thinking of going to the flower show...anyone interested?
wish me luck for my negotiation....

2004-03-28T20:32:00.000+10:00

its just this rush of emotions that fluctuates within...can't quite articulate it by words...feeling pretty messed up...
uni's into the 5th week...hmmn....just seem fly-by...dunno what i've picked up so far...keep feeling like i'm being avoided...
need a break, might go down to the Carlton flower show/exhibition next week. going down to an open house tomorrow...hopefully i'll like it :)

Blessed!!

2004-03-28T02:30:00.000+11:00

Woke up this morn feeling ok...i think the truth must have sunken in while i was in lala land and digested before i woke up. Everything feels alright...finding another place just seem like an addition to my set of problems...no big deal...i should carry on as per normal, being paranoid doesn't help...It would be good if the landlord lets me continue my lease....the thought of packing up is a major turn-off man...thank you for making me feel that ya'll be there for me whenever....Thanks for all the concern....thank you Am n Lib for the walk that day...*wink* cleared my head about stuff...seriously "a walk to remember'...thank u for the patience :) muax...i know it may sound sappy but i seriously can't imagine life w/o all of u...feeling stable,knowing that nothing is too big a deal when u have ur family and friends there through good n bads...

Gotten some retail therapy this morning...n what must have been about 10kgs of pear....hmmn....time to eat pears for dinner...i'm amazed at how u do it jason...my 'ou xiang' a.ka. idol :)...tx for inviting me to ur party :) happy 19th...stay cheery...

Shan's posting reminded me of how fragile life can be and how neglection often falls in nice and neatly...i guess to exclude would sometimes be easier than to acknowledge...pardon me if i've neglected, been neglecting (or the likes), any of u...

Movin soon

2004-03-26T22:11:00.000+11:00

the call seemed to have sent me packing into denial....the call that ended my hanging...the confirmation that i'll be moving... dread waking up tomorrow, knowing that by then, the truth would have sunken in, that i'm one day closer to being homeless...i hate this feeling of helplessness, of uncertainty of weakness...

will call the agent on mon and negotiate...really don't wanna move my lazy ass off this property...hmmn...feeling more numb than anything...tried to read my micro...but...

for this period, pls pardon me if i ever snap or do anything funny to any of u for that matter.....

Baxy n me :)

2004-03-26T13:29:00.000+11:00

8.49am…I thought I’d slept forever…thought I’d finally be able to sleep in but NO…once again I’ve been conned into believing that’s its 11+…had a very satisfying shower, a great way to kick-start my day.

Finally spent my 1st quality hour with my boy, Baxy Baby. Walked him all over carlton gardens…he was in a mad-dash at first but as the minute passes…lets just say he behaved...a great sense of tranquility seemed to befall upon us as we walked through the rows of ‘balding’ trees…with Bax prancing on the fallen leaves…Autumn here yet? Feels like everything will be alright…feels like we’ve conquered the whole garden…just me n my baby…can I handle more than 1 kid next time? Sometimes I wished that Eddy din bring Tiara home…every time I look into her eyes…GUILT…just can’t help it that I love Bax the rascal more. Knowing that I’ve neglected her doesn’t help either…”dun blame mummy ra2”

everything seems good at this moment...n i'll have to say that ppl in the parks are nicer than ppl in MYER....this bloody bitch is just soooo bitch.....was so pissed.....ask Am or Manli for details...

RED VS GREEN

2004-03-25T23:55:00.000+11:00

Side by side they hang, day after day after day, one red, the other green. like right n left ears, they are aware of the other's presence...they do not meet. When i'm asleep, he's night crawling n when daylight comes, he shies away, into slumber land...its been one week, of a glimpse of the other snuggled in between sheets...can't remember the last time we had dinner together...what will happen if this carries on? Should i rejoice at the nil-ness of conversation or wilt without the routine squabbles, which like morphine, has gotten me hooked for the past 20 years...it would be out-right cruelty to take this familiarity away and wall me up in silence...if onli i could break free. DO what i want to, instead of what i think i SHOULD...

Today was a potpourri of highs and lows...just like the weather, cold and bloody hot later on...somehow, this morning was feeling quite *bleah*... acc lect....damn, the cute guy that i thought was cute, is so cannot make it!!! duizz
went to the library...hmmn...usual ambience of too much brain-vibes and haste despite the 'serenity'...experienced a high mid-way thru chapter 6 of micro-econs, saw a gal crawling towards her bag...erm...too complicated to explain how but now i finally understand why Kylie Minogue always do a 'crawl-thing' towards the camera in her MTVs...SEXY

Lunch-Pigged out!!
Dinner-din have salad :( went for a very unsatisfying Nam Long but thanks for Manli's company...surrounding me with this aura of peace and calm, stopping me in heavy traffic...

Went shopping with the intention of buying..but...alas, din get retail therapy...the JAG jacket that i had my eye on...OUT-OF-STOCK can u believe it...the saleslady told me that its O-F-S in all other shops throughout Melb...lame...guess its fate...din get it the other time....my fault!! n desperately needed to get some stocks fr priceline....CLOSED!!!

maybe, like what Vchan said, i should go jogging...get some air for my mal-functioning brain...
the future looks bleak....a shade of grey...

EXPERIMENTATION!!

2004-03-24T19:46:00.000+11:00

I need volunteers...preferably female...BUT for the sake of males out there...males will do too...participation is entirely voluntary and confidential and if at any time of the experiment, the participators feel uncomfortable about carrying on...TOO BAD...there will be no way out!! Anyway, as an aspiring psychologist, i've decided to get volunteers to carry out experimentations to prove my hypotheses...

WHAT MAKES GUYS TICK?we're talking abt things that will catch their attention here.

1) big hoop earrings?
2)mini skirts?
3)off-shoulder tops?
4)stilletos?heels?
5)just-rolled-out of bed hair?
6)flower corsages?
7)peek-a-boo tops?
8)plunging neck-lines?
9) cleavages? butt cracks?
10)dreamy eyes vs *twinking* eyes
11)sporty vs glam look
12) voice? (what kind)

WHAT MAKES GALS TICK:

1) blue eyes?...onli applicable to ang mohs...nice 'electrifying' eyes in general
2)Havianas slippers.....
3)nice toe nails?...must be clean...
4)pierced eyebrows?...hmmn...i like, cept for if its on Eddy...
5)polo tees (bright coloured)?
6)height?
7)state of cleanliness...erm...1st impression...
8)voice?
9)cut of jeans?

ACTUALLY, nah....just joking...but i do feel that on certain occasions, there'll be moments of empowerment due to something we're wearing or using, say certain scents...hmmn....*note: above are not based on any facts, truth or brains...don't get obsessed!

Had coffee with Manli just now, after marketing lect...we had so much to catch up on....its amazing...we've decided to set a day out of the week to have lunch, most prob on thurs...Am, Lib, u guys joining us? n anyone interested, do come along...n whatever happened to our 'exotic' dinners??

these days, time just passes so quickly...it seemed like yesterday, looking back on monday, before i know it, it's gonna be thursday tomorrow,my last day of uni for the week...then comes the boring weekends...seriously don't feel like i've been playing enough...just can't seem to recall the last time i went shopping...or taken a nice break without thinking of the piled up work that i've been needing to catch up on yonks ago...all my mental notes don't seem to be working... i haven started on my "catching up"...YET...
Attempting to be a H.N.C is not easy after all...feel like all my attempts to be
HOT is like 50-50 so unsteady, and NERDY is like "I FAILED" and a CHICKis like impossible...1stly, i'm not born of a chick-en....2ndly, even if i am so, i'm too old....*pok pok pok < em>gay* anyone?

I think i'm in a state of confusion right now...maybe a state of I-DON'T-GIVE-A-SHIT...I-THINK-I-KNOW-BUT-I-DON'T...a state of being obsessed of things i dunno if i'm obsessed about...hmmn, Obsessive-compulsive-disorder? Oh ya, i got a new nick name "siao-cha-bor"a.ka. crazy gal....tx to Miss Wong LiBing...actually it seems to make sense...i can be happy-sad-excited-depressed-paranoid-calm-kiasu-slack-radical-confused-obsessed in the span of 60 seconds...n my ever-so-powerful self-doubts!!! i need to finish my psychology degree soon...i need to help myself!!

VEG-OUT

2004-03-23T19:31:00.000+11:00

Honey lemon Infusion is brewing...sweet sickly smell drifted as i type this...dunno if it'll work for everyone but sipping on tea or infusions of some sort really satisfies my 'desert cravings'...after dinner...hmmn...really good for jian fei-ing...now having salad...tomatoes,cos lettuce,avocados,sunflower seeds...yum...used a 99% fat-free coleslaw dressing...was alright but...i feel like a cow as i shuff the greens down...i'll get used to it,afterall, thats wats called cognitive learning or smth like that...

today was a pretty good day overall,cept that my right eye lid's been twitching...for the past week...anyone knows wat that is supposed to mean? its really irritating me...i can't look at someone in the eye without feeling like my eye's doing some silly "dance"...The agent came down to inspect my place yesterday. She said that the place looks pretty well kept *thank you*thank you*...but the decision as to whether we will continue on the lease is entirely up to the landlord....its PENDING...i hate that, keeps me hanging...damn...hopefully we get to stay :( I would like to thank all of you who've been very concerned about my potential-homelessness....thank you peeps...muax*muax*

hmmn...pretty satisfied with this sem's classes...lets see...my Acc 1B tute's got a cute guy...my intermicro tute's got a handful...2-3 mabbea and a "Ashton Kutcher look-alike"...n Lib's in that class too :)...my marketing lect rocks cos there'll be a bunch of us sitting together incld Manli n Ana...Poasa's in my tute...my Psy lects bores but Am would sit-in most times :) thank you babe...the tute is *bleah...

Been talking aboout "Good Vibes" with Lib fron the start of the sem...*OMG its the 4th week now* theres absolutely NO vibe yesterday...but today's pretty alright...hey lets all have a POT-LUCK party during easter, which reminds me that i'm gonna bake this 'apparently legendary cookies' from this e-mail Am sends to me...so if you want some...drop me an order note k...lets go by the FAMOUS AMOS rate...$35/kg...hahahha joking2...just drop me a note so that i don't leave anyone out...

N hmmn...just wondering if big-round-hoop earings have got 'ticking' effect on the guys??
I hope the Good Vibes last...
*mental note: have to catch up with work from the past 3 weeks...

CRASH INTO ME

2004-03-22T18:29:00.000+11:00

by DAVE MATTHEW BAND...so totally into it right now...think its the whole "live-feel"... raw
Was gaga over LOVE ME by Colin Raye....then F*** U RIGHT BACK by Eamon...special thanks to Lib for the mp3 contributions.i'm beggining to think that i'm into soothing, sentimental, slightly sad, depressive songs, maybe thats why i love sentimental-type OLDIES....ya....turning into a hag soon...

life has been pretty 'different'....used to be a burp-person...these days i fart like nobody's business...*hiks*hiks* i want my burps back...n i can't sleep for more than 9 hours...this is depressing me...esp with the constant nagging feeling of having to catch up with my *already-piled up for the past 3 weeks* uni work. somehow, the only subject that i'm up-to-date with is Inter microecons...mmm...could it be the cute tutor??or the Ashton Kutcher look-alike in tute? anyway, no time for boys when i'm losing the *twink* in my eyes ( mental note: go charge up the batteries for tomorrow) i'm getting dark-circles that won't go away, even with the aid of 'IMMORTELLE' eye balm fr L'OCCITANE...BUT i need to thank the creator of mascaras and those R&D towards its improvements...mascaras are a gal-like-me's best fren:) current fave: Loreal INTENSIFIQUE...giving it a rating of 8.5/10...great value for money...a bit hard to remove though...i should just go write a beauty column review...

Adi's bithday today...felt bad that i din throw him a party or gotten him a present...i think he is the best brother on earth, no qualms about that:
1) he is a great listener
2)bluntly honest at times
3)*growls* at me when i make an attempt to shuff that last piece of rich-dark-choc-brownies onto my platter
4)we connect...things we like/hate...our passion for "healthy eating"
5)he doesn't ask for alot :)...i know, i'm 'kiam'
6)understands what i'm going through most of the time...
7)don't complain abt me being a lousy sis
8)willing to girl-talk with me...hes not the onli one out there though :)....
i guess, when you accept someone for who they are, it just makes things easier....no more picking at their short-comings...somehow when we have no choice, its easier to do so...anyway, his cheepo sis conveniently went to S/W, bought him a 6in choc-mudcake that costs $3.98 and a tub of really2 yummy 'premium' mint-choc-chip ice-cream. forgot to buy candles n couldn't find sparklers...so i used a tea-candle...imagine!!! the onli thing he said was THANK YOU...auuuuu.....n we both tucked in like it was the best cake we ever had...i just love my bro...

supposed to go swimming later but....hmmn....the weather looks unfriendly....so...um....( conflicting thoughts...YES??NO??) just had cake n ice-cream...i probably should...damn i need a personal trainer or someone who'll keep me disciplined...i want a personal gym....
made a pact with Am to have salad dinners...so ppl, please respect our choice and for the moment, don't ask us out for dinners cept if they serve salad there. I need to go on a food re-vamp....trying to avoid processed food...and Eddy's cooking...too sinful...ppl whose keen on joining us, please don't hesitate to call either me or Am...together2...we'll have salad parties soon...enticing :)

BECAUSE I'M A GIRL- by K.I.S.S

2004-03-20T19:01:00.000+11:00

Guess we can't choose our gender, but we sure can choose our sexuality, something i learnt from my "DAILY EXPLORATIONS OF OUR TRANSCULTURAL LIVES" subject. Can we? i'm not sure if i wanna be a lesbo but i don't want to 'need' guys...GOD created men n women for a reason, but the order seemed to have been screwed...Life's about exploring isn't it?

Called Mum n Dad today...haven heard their voice in about 2 weeks...kinda miss being around them...talked more to Dad than i normally would, kinda wished we could talk more, about anything, even crap...when he asked me this particular question...*freeze* that moment seemed to have been frozen n almost suddenly, flashbacks of when i was young re-enacted out...it was all about me n dad, about me being daddy's little girl, when i could just run to him for no apparent reason and 'plop' onto his lap...a tear came to my eye...was i touched by the warmth and infinite love of this man who gave me life? or sadness of having lost the closeness as time passes? when the phone was passed to mum, i no longer could contain the welled-up tears and tried not to break into sobs...even through the phone, i could feel their love and warmth...i guess the problem with loving and being loved is that FEAR OF LOSING them one day...right now that would be my greatest fear...

Had another squabble with Z today...our almost daily routine. Conveniently fleed to the Library but well oh well...din do much n ended up on LYGON...with Lib having a very satisfying transaction of cash for this 'oh-so-yum' red shoes...nice...(sorry had to announce it to the whole world on your behalf...afterall, i took part in the process)...n proceeding to satisfy the nagging emptiness within myself at 'DOLCE FREDO'...had the 1st (Roche n Durian) for 2004...could this be brand loyalty? going back time n time again for ROCHE? Durian one was too creamy...but reminded me n Lib of the 'durian ice-potong' back in S'pore. Sadly, the emptiness remained...guess i've got issues that i'll have to find time n tackle...its just been a crazy past 3 weeks...
*mental note: be a *H.N.C* n catch up with uni work.a time n place to do everything...trying to cast shopping to its rightful place, not occupied in my mind ALL THE TIME...

MY 1st

2004-03-19T22:21:00.000+11:00

Finally decided on this...shall try to keep commited...
A lack of real conversations...talked alot but didn't seemed to have conveyed much.
Feeling busy and empty...been rushing madly yet seemed to have done nothing.
Adapting to new 'way' of life...giving those around me space to breathe...trying to find some tranquility within.
Currently pondering about 'WHO I AM? WAT I WANNA BE? HOW SOCIETY WANTS ME TO BE?'
Trying to:
1) read a novel..."Matthew Flinder's cat " by BRYCE COURTENAY
2) be more positive about things
3) enjoy my full-time occupation...a.k.a student
4) be a H.N.C... those who know....lets aim at this together :)
5)get my life organised...get a direction...
6)have more self-worth n assurance
7)spend more time with BAX n TIARA
8)get over my IN-humanity of selling off my "grand kids"...no.1 n no.2
9)be less compromising...get a grip
10)'bio' less...
11)get a job...gain financial independence
12)spend more time with neglected ones
13)spice up my life....cinnamon or nutmeg??
14)avoid buying or attempting to buy everything in "Shop til U drop"
15)keep in touch with GOD
16)...
17)find a role model
18)keep to my new year resolutions
19)become a better friend...
20)...H.N.C...
21)quit SINGLISH
22)KIT with frens
23)relax n enjoy life
24)pick up canto
25)...
26)ignore pests
27)sleep...i need rest...8 hour miracle cream anyone?
28)...
29)come to terms with the REAL world
30)not take people for granted
31)quality talk to mum n dad more often